Love matters

I have met a good many individuals who view their relationships in the light of their parent's relationships. This can often evolve into a relationship killer - whether it's a marriage or dating situation. STOP doing it! Just because your mother was a GREAT mother, cook, housewife and so on and so forth, does NOT mean your wife WILL or SHOULD be the same. Just because you had a father who cheated on your mother does NOT mean that your husband or wife is or will do the same. Just because your dad was faithful in every sense of the word to your mother, does not mean your husband will be the same! Projecting these onto your partners, be they good attributes or bad will land you and your partner in hot soup! So, DON'T DO IT! Every individual is unique and has different characteristics and must be viewed and assessed with a sense of neutrality. I've seen guys who were unable to accept the fact that their wives were cheating on them though the signs were written everywhere in their relationship, just because their mothers did not do that to their dads. In the end, they did not take the right measures t remedy the situation and lost everything! I've seen women who were constantly suspicious of every move their innocent husbands made because their fathers cheated on their mothers in the past. I've also seen men drive their relationships up the wall by becoming extreme misers because one of their parent's was an extreme spendthrift that landed the family in debt. Throw out your views of marriage life from your parents today because the FACT of the matter is that every relationship is different because EVERY individual is different! Another HUGE reason why you should throw your parental perspective of relationships is because the relationship between a man and a woman is one that is extremely private and is rarely ever seen plainly for what it is by the children in the family, therefore your view of your parent's relationship and behaviours are NOT complete views and therefore, holding on to incomplete views will cause you to make decisions and act in ways that can and destroy the love in your marriage. Be clear about this. Your wife or girlfriend is NOT your mother, and your husband or boyfriend is NOT your dad. Period!    Actually, this blog entry here can lead you to predict what the genral behaviours of your future partner can be and be in a position to deal with it. I will cover this in my ezine article 'How to predict the general traits and behaviours of your chosen partner - The Law of the Extremes' soon so look out for it! It's actually really simple, people generally dislike the current behaviours of others, so they tend to try to do the opposite or enforce actions in an extreme manner to prevent that outcome from happening. Knowing this can help you to lead your partner out of certain behaviours and bring the both of you closer together. 

Somehow this week, the events around me have focused very much on the difficult and sticky topic of divorce. My instincts off the bat were to get onto the internet to see what 'advice' the experts were giving and i was actually surprised by a good many of them! There actually were a significant number who were touting divorce as a convenient, even painless (that was the general vibe) option! I was surprised! My experience all these years has shown me otherwise. Although these days legal and administrative processes are more efficient in divorce execution and societal stigmas are lesser, the emotional, mental and physical deprivation coming from a divorce can literally suck the life out of here, no pun intended. I was especially surprised to find a handful of 'quack'sperts who proposed that your children are not affected at all if the divorce is handled well!! What rubbish are these nut cases talking about???!!! After browsing through online resources for some time, i began to question myself if these 'experts' are actually divorce LAWYERS who want to get even richer than they already are!!! Don't get me wrong, divorce IS a way out of relationships that can harm you or your children emotionally, mentally and physically, - the former two being more subjective and the latter being most obvious -  but in MOST of the cases i encounter in modern times divorce becomes an 'easy' escape from what is ACTUALLY common marital problems. If you expect your marriage to be a bed of roses, you shouldn't be getting married at all! In fact, that's the beauty of marriage, it's not a fantasy life but a real one that gets better and better as we change and evolve and make each other better people. To add to some fact to this, my stats on the number of adults who wished their parents had never divorced far outweigh what the 'experts' are touting these days. A divorce is NOT easy on your children both in the short and long term, make no mistakes about it. However, if your children understand the situation - an abusive spouse etc - it actually brings them to a state of resolve in their minds even as children, so making them understand is of utmost importance. I hope that you are at Everything Love to find ways to enhance your marriage and relationships instead of seeking a divorce. If you ARE seeking a divorce, i hope that our resources and advice help you to leave no stone unturned before making that decision and that what we offer you hear actually helps you and your children to get through the divorce smoothly.

Wishing you all the best. Look out for my ezine article coming out soon on how to avoid a divorce for you newly married or considering marriage.

I just got off watching a rerun of 'Style by Jury' and it makes me wanna drive home how important it is to make the right choice for your life partner because that decision is a one-time 'make or break' decision. Yes, divorce is becoming a common exit option today but what you give up physically, mentally and emotionally to the person you marry and then divorce can be erased only to the same extent as when you use an ink eraser to erase words you've penned down: Not too much, and not without much friction pain and loss in the process. Bernice was a 40 year old mother of one who had come out of an abusive relationship that had lasted 23 years. She managed to exit it (the details of how were never given, nor the marital status of this relationship) 12 years ago, but to this day, the damaged inside her was so severe that she lost all her past vigor and verve for life - things she was full of before that relationship. The abuse in her relationship was mostly degrading verbal assaults that she took time and time again in the name of love that made her finally believe that she really was this monster of a person. Her wardrobe had just 6 different pairs of outfits for the past 12 years, and the reason for this, she says, was because she felt that since she was feeling lousy inside, she never ever wanted to dress herself up in anyway on the outside either! She has spent her last 12 years, physically emaciated, crying almost every night, wearing dark sunglasses everywhere she went and looking so much older than she actually was. I hope none of you ever has to experience any thing remotely similar to this! Make sure you know what you are getting into when you choose a partner.

If your boyfriend - and these days, even girlfriend! - hits, pinches, jostles, smothers or squeezes you in a rough painful manner even playfully more than twice while you are dating, take this as your most severe warning to begin walking out of the relationship! Studies have shown that such behaviour is the clearest sign of an impending physically abusive relationship. Love has NOTHING to do with ANY form of violence, make no mistakes about it. Wanting your partner to be more assertive and macho is entirely different from wanting him or her to be violent. Studies have revealed that married couples in a state of abuse recall that their courtship days were filled with such episodes that were mostly playful in nature at the time. Don't become a victim of abuse.  Most individuals i come across hear such advice and immediately resign themselves into a state of denial, convincing themselves that these incidents are one-off. The thing about relationships is that actions are never one-off. They are always signs of and links to other things, in this case, something not desirable. Don't be a victim!

1. Is this topic worth arguing over?
2. When was the last time we got into a 'touch-up' situation?
And the note to yourself: 'If i want to change his view on this, i might as well wait for the right time years from now if this relationship is really going to last for decades to come. That time will come soon, so why rush into it now?'

This approach will work wonders for your relationship. Try it today! Tomorrow i take you into the mindset you should have when getting into the arguing table with anyone you love.

For more about Red flags and what they mean check out Sarah Russo's book in the expert guides section. I recommend it to any and everyone contemplating getting into or out of a relationship.

All the best!

Always remember this...It's the simple things that count at the end of the day, NOT the big Valentine's day gift or birthday surprise. Oftentimes a gentle word is more than enough